Mental Rambling

 My mom and I went to see the movie "The Vow." After we left the theatre, my mom said that she was almost crying during certain moments in the movie. As I sit here on my bed typing this now, I can not think of one single movie that has made me cry. I have seen movies where I get that lump in my throat, but no tears ever come. When I was younger the only things that really made me cry were just silly things now that I look back on it. The normal moments that are usually deemed appropriate for crying just didn't phase me. To this day, I don't always know how to "properly act" in certain situations. When someone is in an accident, or a family member dies, I may cry one time, but I definitely do not get on my facebook account and post every loving detail of that person and how much they meant to me. However, I am not saying that that is the wrong thing to do. Obviously, everyone has their own way of dealing with things. For years I have questioned my actions in situations like these. I have been asked if I have any compassion. And to that, I say, yes, I do have compassion. So much compassion that I think about certain events that happen so much that I do not even know how to express my thoughts. At funerals I just stand there, unable to cry.

But then again, there are many other situations in my life where I can cry for hours. What are the motives? What makes me this way? I think that when I cry it is usually over something that I know I can change if I work hard enough, but I never know how to begin. In other words, I cry when I am frustrated with my own life. This sounds so selfish, even to me as I type. I also cry for many other reasons unknown. After I returned to my dorm after watching "The Vow," I sat down, got on youtube and listened to "Someone Like You" by Adele. I started bawling. I don't even know why. While she has one of the most beautiful voices I have heard, I don't have any sort of emotional attachement to her. How do you explain this? I really don't know how. I guess this is just one of the many things I can add to my own mental list of self mysteries.